Conversely, it's a great way to avoid looking at pictures of kids and grandchildren (other than your own). Just say, "YES, I saw those on FACEBOOK!" and then quickly change the subject (or go home and post some of your own). C'mon now...newborn puppies aren't that cute (I'm talking about the hairless mole ones). Kittens with closed eyes and no hair...hideous. Every picture taken at a hospital right after a birth...squished and frowny. The best thing you can say about a newborn baby is, "He's a C-section baby! Isn't he cute?" Meaning, the size of the head, although still largely out of proportion, hasn't been altered like an orange sherbet push-up that was just squeezed through a keyhole. As for my babies (see, you just got less interested) they were the cutest around; but that first week, they were more 'fetus' than Fabio; more 'goober ' than Gerber. And if your babies happen to look like your previous babies (and they probably will, since they all look alike) the flooding of memories will mask what you are actually cooing at and fawning over, and will make them even more wonderful to look at (through your eyes). But it's just God's great auto-tuner. Every family thinks their kids can sing. Every family loves to look at pictures of their babies.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." That's not from the Bible. That phrase first showed up in the novel Molly Bawn, about 1878. In 1953, there was a great episode of The Twilight Zone (Eye of the Beholder - Episode #42), where the ugly woman in need of a make-over was Donna Douglas (the original Elly May Clampett). The problem was everyone in her world was grotesquely deformed. She, on the other hand, looked like Elly May in a hospital gown; but alas, her operation fails, she keeps looking like Elly May and she never achieves the 'ugliness' she desires, in order to blend in with society (based upon the very subjective definition of beauty that dominated that world; see what I mean?).
If you can only find one person on earth that thinks you're beautiful, tell your mom you love her too (but I'm sure there are others!). If you find a thousand people that like your singing, you've got a platinum record! But that doesn't mean you sing good, now does it? Most things in life are pretty subjective that way. Even athletic ability is relative to who you play with and whether that ability increases or decreases in the clutch.
As for me, I always liked black and white things as a kid (not the colors, but clear cut things). I thought math was one of the fairest subjects around. Either you got the answer, or you didn't. No teacher favoritism (or lack of favoritism) could hurt you either way. No essay questions or term paper variables that were dependent on your point of view or who you were; just get it right (or it was wrong). Spelling pretty much works the same way. So naturally, I found myself buzzed (pun intended) about the eighth grade spelling bee.
This was in and around 1968, and the Vietnam war wasn't over; so there hadn't been a large influx of Vietnamese (or Asians for that matter) entering America and signing up for spelling bee contests yet (therefore it was easier for a country kid from Muskogee to 'nguyen', so to speak). It was also before the kids from India realized how easy two and three syllable English words were to spell, especially when compared to the multi-syllabic words in their language. Even having to spell some of those tough two syllable winning words like 'guerdon'* and 'stromuhr'** must have seemed like taking Gandhi from a baby to them! For instance, the names of the last two years' winners: Anamika Veeramani and Kavya Shivashankar. Let's face it; those kids had to be pretty smart just to put their NAMES on their papers!
I knew about none of this, of course; but I did know spelling came easy to me. I almost had a photographic memory back then (it's hard to find film these days, though), and I prided myself on knowing the spelling of words. Like most kids, I grew up screaming at the top of my lungs, "Mom, how do you spell 'multi-syllabic'?" to which she would reply, "Look it up! You may need to use it in a Blog someday!" Alright, I made up that last part, but my mom NEVER spelled a word for me. It was "look it up" or make it up!
Eighth grade happens to be the last grade in which you can qualify for the national spelling bee. My family had just moved to Muskogee, Oklahoma, and I was determined to make a name for myself (like anyone else really cared). I took that study book they had given me home, and tried to make myself study it. But there were hundreds of words! Luckily, the book was divided into three word groups based upon difficulty; and I figured the kids would drop like flies long before we got to the tough words (plus I had things to do; like PLAY) so I gave most of my limited attention to the first two sets of words (assuming that would be more than sufficient to 'guerdon'* the coveted title to myself).
So there we were, in a classroom at Alice Robertson Junior High in Muskogee, Oklahoma, and sure enough nearly all the other little competitors had fallen to the curb; all of them except one little plump red-headed girl named Suzy Smith. I could be tacky and talk about her freckles or her lack of friends (therefore her ample time to study compared to the rest of us) but the fact is, the little girl could spell. She was a southern girl, and like most of us had a bit of a drawl. She was also very soft-spoken. She kept quietly spelling those 'little ole' words and then turning to me as if to say, "Your turn."
We had finally begun to enter that dreaded group of 'tough' words and I was winging it on sheer brain power (luck). I knew eventually I was doomed. My only hope was that maybe she would trip up. Then suddenly she did. The word was 'marsupial'. Now I had done a book report in 7th grade on kangaroos and other marsupials; so I stood there like a 'possum in wait, ready to 'hop in' with the right spelling if she faltered; and therefore it pleased me to no end when she spelled: m-a-r-s- (hesitation) -u-p- (more hesitation as she decided one 'p' was sufficient) -i-e-l (followed by a look of desperation as she heard gasping from around the room; suddenly realizing she had worried so much about the consonants, she'd tripped over the vowels). The sweet old teacher who was monitoring from the back of the room, sat up in her chair, leaned forward (trying to be nice), and politely asked her, "What was it you said, honey?" As I mentioned, Suzy spoke very quietly; and indeed had barely exhaled those last three letters. The looks and sounds of the room had told her she had 'zegged' when she should have 'zagged'. So, when she repeated it, she succinctly said, "m-a-r-s-u-p-i-a-l, marsupial".
Now everyone in the room had heard it right (or should I say, "wrong") the first time. So when she corrected herself, the teacher dutifully asked her, "I thought you said 'e-l' the first time," to which the little girl replied in her best southern drawl, "Sometimes my a's kind of sound like e's."
Say what? Does Steve Nash tell the refs he was really saying 'Fudge' when they 'T' him up? Does Kevin Durant say "sometimes my dribbling looks like walking!" when he flails out of control into the lane and expect the reps to call off the traveling call? Does Tiger Woods claim, "I thought I had the five iron! No wonder the ball went in the water!" in hopes of getting a mulligan? Of course, not. Tiger screams 'fudge', drops a ball and takes the penalty strokes. There are no mulligans in spelling bees!!! But what was the teacher going to say? My suggestion would have been, "Liar, liar, hair on fire!" I mean, what kind of 'kangaroo court' were we dealing with?? But the teacher had to take her at her word; and after all, she had spelled it right (the second time).
Needless to say, I was reeling from the whole ordeal or no deal (no telling what the 'stromuhr'** would have registered at that juncture, because my blood was pumpin'!). Not surprisingly, I loudly and confidently misspelled the very next word, and little Suzy Smith became the spelling bee 'winner' and went on to represent Muskogee at the next level. Meanwhile, I went on to the ninth grade, never to enter a spelling bee again. I did sing 'Harry the Hairy Ape' later that year and won the talent show, but it didn't make up for the wrong that had been done. For several years after that, I didn't care much for redheads or koala bears. And I determined in my mind that I would never do anything like little Suzy had done to me. After all, words mean things!
Psalm 34:12-14 Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
James 3:8-9 ...no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.
So I hope all of us can learn from this by choosing our words (letter by letter) very carefully. That's one of the main reasons I wanted to write this blog; to pass on experiences I've had and how they've affected the way I live my life.
For instance, if it sounds like I'm talking about someone behind their back, it's just that sometimes when I voice my concerns about a person's behavior or actions, it sounds like gossip. And sometimes it sounds judgmental when I'm really just pointing out obvious shortcomings. And yeah, it may sound prideful and arrogant when all I'm doing is calling it the way it is. See what I mean? I learned a valuable lesson there in eighth grade.
And I may say I'm doing this or that for God when it appears like I'm actually doing it for myself. Or even when I'm fully aware of what He expects, it may seem like I quite often do what I think is best for me. But don't jump to conclusions; pay closer attention! Because sometimes my "He's" kind of sound like "me's".
What do you mean you bet I can't spell 'obedient'!??
Can I get a definition?
Can I get a witness??
_________________________________________________________
*2008 winning word-Sameer Mishra correctly spelled 'guerdon'
(n. a reward - vb. to give a guerdon to, reward).
**2010 winning word-Anamika Veeramani correctly spelled 'stromuhr'
(instrument for measuring the quantity and speed of blood flow).
About a year or so after the spelling bee-bacle, the country tune 'Okie From Muskogee' hit the airwaves and our little town became quite famous (plus it gave folks something to talk about besides how I was robbed in the 'spelling bee' ;). Even though my family moved to Oklahoma City in 1972, I ended up going back to Muskogee to sing/play several times during my 'rock-n-roll' years, and the band I was in during those days, Marin, wound up playing a unique version of the song one night in 1977 at the Muskogee Civic Center. Our sound guy, Mark Hendricks often carried a Teac reel-to-reel with him and he captured the audio live on tape. Recently, I threw together a slide show to go with it, including a few pictures of the band members here and there. Anyway, I've been looking for an excuse to post it to the Blog...so if you neglected to click on the link above, here it is!
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