NO RULES - JUST WRITE

I've decided that if I could just stay off of the highway, my life (and my temperament) would improve immensely. Driving crosstown every day during rush hour traffic is a horrific way to start and end each work day. It's not that I necessarily mind bumper to bumper traffic or even a long commute. If I'm listening to some good tunes or immersed in John MacArthur I don't even notice what's going on around me...that is until that idiot beside me veers over, having waited until the last second to merge. My uncle Ricky used to read those yellow warning signs along the side of the road when a lane ends as: Murdering Traffic; and for me, it isn't far from the truth.

You see, when it comes to merging, everyone seems to have their own set of rules. And so even though you may be playing by YOUR set of rules, if it breaks MY set of rules, then of course I'm horribly livid. It's kind of like my 'roast' example...everyone thinks THEIR set of rules is the correct one. Some folks out there have one set of rules (we can call them the 'A' rules), and I have a set (that we can call the 'B' rules). For example, when two lanes merge into one lane...most of us follow the 'B' rules (as in 'B' considerate) and go ahead and get into the 'surviving lane' long before the 'merging' lane ends.  Shoot, if you believe what the signs say, there's even a STATE LAW that says to do it that way! But there's always those few folks that don't feel like they should have to fall into place, and they drive as fast as they can, as long as they can, as long as their asphalt lasts and then they whip into whatever 'hole' they can find (usually right in front of me, since I usually try to leave a car length or so of bumper room between myself and 'happy tappy break feet' ahead of me).

Sometimes I will amend my 'B' rules and use the 'C' rules (let's 'C' you try that now) and park my obstinate auto in the middle of the highway when there's less than two lanes left, but more than one lane available; so that when those aforementioned 'A' drivers come flying into my rearview mirror looking for a hole to pull into, I've blocked the 'A' holes (so to speak) that they were hoping to squeeze into and force them to find a 'B' hole to merge into in front of the 'B' folks 'B'-hind me ('C' what I mean?). So whether you're talking about the 'A' holes or the 'B' holes, what it comes down to is that we pretty much 'merge' our rules to fit the 'hole' we are in and to justify how we got there.

The whole world is becoming more and more like this. We have a set of rules we're supposed to follow, but those rules have been deemed 'out of date' and not in vogue any longer (aka: not PC). So, if I'm Tiger or Jesse, Elton or Ellen or any of the other 'first name famous' people, (or even if I'm Tom, Dick or Harry met Sally for that matter) I can play by my own rules or at least have a double set of them. A prime example of this is what the Pope is dealing with right now.  But it's not restricted to the Catholic priests...the politicians do it, their constituents do it, the teachers, the preachers, the folks in the bleachers, the speakers, the hearers, those guys in the mirrors ("if you want to make the world a bettuh place, take a look at yourself and make that...change!"). Everybody's doing it. But it's nothing new...ask Bathsheba (or her first husband...or her second husband).

What's just as frustrating are the ones out there that actually do have a single set of rules, but they're so busy applying the rules they see as important to everyone else, they don't notice all the ones that they're obliterating. It's the old 'get that speck out of your eye' from Matthew 7:3 that I paraphrase in one of my songs this way: "We're busy pickin' up specks of sand, meanwhile we're trippin' over piles of wood", aka: the pot calling the kettle black, the overeater calling the smoker unhealthy, the early riser calling the night owl lazy, the adulterer calling the slanderer names, the unhappy people trying to bring down the king of the Happy Meals ("Love You, Ronald"), and especially anyone who is critical of the poor Hippopotamus and any Christian not showing grace (both of the last two make you Hippo Critical).

So no doubt you're wondering (as I've been wandering), "are there merging tips in the Bible?" Well, of course!  But I suggest you NOT use the King James Mergin' because "many there be which go in thereat," will just confuse you.  Using the New International Mergin' (some of my Blog readers ARE overseas you know), I can actually give you a few of them.  First of all, don't even attempt to merge until you Clear Your Blind Spot ("remove the plank from your own eye"). Secondly, always be on the look out for the Yellow Sign (aka: the Golden Sign - Merge Into Others As You Would Have Them Merge Into You!).  And lastly, the road to Heaven is a narrow one...so as the throngs of Christians maneuver their way, there's bound to be few that cut in front of you right before you reach the narrow gate.  Now before you're tempted to shout in your best King James voice, "Get thee behind me, Satan," I perhaps should remind you of a paraphrase from the New American Randym Mergin' that says: The last shall be first, and the first shall be...passed.  In other words, get over...and get over it.  I'll do my best to remember that tomorrow morning on my way to work.