Buy now. Pay later. Pay way more later. Maybe never pay.
You know the obvious things. Here's one of the not so obvious things I noticed while in Florida doing the 'Feud'. Back in the day, when you visited Disneyland (that's all we had back then), you bought a book of tickets (how many remember that?). You had A, B, C, D and E tickets. The A and B tickets were for the lesser rides (like Cinderella's Golden Carousel or the Shootin' Gallery or Swiss Family Treehouse). The D and E tickets were the 'golden' ones for the Haunted Mansion or the Jungle Cruise. In fact, even the Hall of Presidents and the Country Bear Jamboree required a prized D or E ticket (we didn't even bother with either of those attractions this time). The point is, you had to decide which ride you REALLY wanted to ride or which attraction you really wanted to see; because once that E ticket was gone, that was it. No more 'cool' rides. My parents (especially my dad) were not about to shell out $5.95 for another book just so I could ride one more 'cool' ride. No amounts of "Please, please, please, please!" would change their mind either. Every once in awhile, I might be able to con my mom out of one of her tickets (she wasn't a big fan of rides), but the bottom line was this: you didn't expect to ride all the rides. You waited in line. You gave up your last 'E' ticket. And you made sure you enjoyed it. End of story.
But today is so different. Not only do the kids expect to ride every ride, they want to ride them more than once, and not have to stand in line. So now Disney has come up with the Fast Pass. You obtain this at the entrance of each ride. It gives you a specific time to come back (usually more than an hour or two later) and take the 'Fast Pass' to the front of the line. Now the rule is you can only get one fast pass each hour. So we had to bounce from one side of the park to the other, grabbing as many fast passes as we could, in an attempt to ride as many rides as possible (with as little waiting as possible). Now I'm not saying that standing in line is some sort of rite of passage on the way to Nirvana or a 'trial' that you must endure to be 'worthy' of riding some 3 minute thrill ride. But it's a microcosm of our "I-want-it-and-I-want-it-now microwave world" that we live in. ("OMG, the iPhone 4.0 is SO much faster than the iPhone 3G!" Who knew? Who cares?).
It was interesting to hear people from all over the world, rapidly blurting out their native language, interspersed with the words 'Fast Pass' here and there. 'Fast Pass' is the same in EVERY language! But I found myself getting sucked into it also. During our time at the Universal Studios theme park, we paid the extra to get THEIR version of the Fast Pass called the Express Pass (and honestly it WAS worth every penny). You didn't have to come back later for the Express Pass. You just went from ride to ride, straight through the park. No planning; hardly any waiting. You didn't have to spend an hour in the heat, in a line with very little air circulation, next to those same nationalities that don't have the same bathing habits as we do or next to the teenagers using the wait in line as foreplay for the ride they hoped to experience later. You got in, you got on, you rode; you got in, you got on, you rode! More time to eat the high priced food, and shop the high priced gift shops. Universal gets more money from you and somehow we're all happier.
Now there were one or two rides that did NOT except the 'Express Pass' (aren't there ALWAYS exceptions?) One of them was the Rip Ride Rockit Roller Coaster; where you got to choose the music you listen to during the ride from a list of several genres and artists (kind of like you choose your own music for your final ride into eternity, aka: your funeral). So this particular day, we chose an opportune time (about lunch time, when we hoped the wait would be the shortest) and got in line. The 'estimated wait time' posted at the beginning of the line was 45 minutes, so we figured if that was our longest wait of the day, we'd be in good shape. During your stint in line, the video monitors constantly played examples of the music from which you could chose. Strangely enough, there was no Gospel music to pick from (guess I'll save that for the aforementioned 'final' ride). Since I once worked with a preacher that had an affinity for ZZ Top (shout out to BBB), I decided that I would choose 'that lil ol band from Texas' to scream along with.
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| Rip Ride Rockit Roller Coaster |
Now I'm not saying it was a 'sign', but I was soon reminded that God controls the weather; for as we were standing on the platform, after about an hour wait, and only three groups away from climbing aboard, an announcement came over the loud speakers (you can't miss the announcements, because they turn off the LOUD music to make them) and it said, "Due to inclement weather in the area, the Rip Ride Rockit Roller Coaster is temporarily closed." It had been cloudy and rainy off and on throughout the morning, but it hadn't seemed to be an issue until now. Obviously, some poor soul's final ride into eternity had been on a roller coaster (probably while listening to rap) thanks to some well timed 'lightning' in the past; because we soon discovered that the park had a policy that when the thunder rolls, the coasters do not. So you can image the reactions and verbal barrage that soon followed that announcement from the throngs of hot, sweaty people who had not only been denied their Sixth Amendment rights to a 'fair and speedy ride' (through use of the Express Pass) but were now being denied their 'Freedom of Screech' (after all, that's what you do on a roller coaster; at least I believe it was one of the answers to the Family Feud question: Name Something You Do On A Roller Coaster). So I was nervously hoping no one wanted to exercise their Second Amendment rights to bear arms; especially the Hispanic Family just behind us. They were 'lívido' and they were letting the innocent workers have it in Spanglish. I understood the English parts, and my son (who just spent several months near the Mexican border in south Texas) assured me the Spanish slang they were using was equally 'condescendiente' and 'abrasivo'. I suddenly felt I had been time warped to a really bad carnival in a really bad part of town and found myself watching for the glint of a 'shank' suddenly appearing out of a pair of slaggin FUBUs. Fortunately, before the crowd could bum rush the poor kids who were just working their summer jobs between semesters, the thunder stopped; and the coaster rolled.
The weather reared its ugly head off and on that whole day. We wound up riding the Fire side, of the Fire and Ice Roller Coaster in a driving rain (obviously there was no lightning present at the time; either that or the workers decided it was better to risk our lives than theirs). I can only describe it as being catapulted on a wheelchair through a car wash at a hundred miles an hour (and yes, I paid to have this done to me). Fortunately, we were able to use our Express Pass, and the kids (not the mom or dad), rode it several times. For me, once was enough.
The most strenuous ride we rode during our time in Orlando? The Disney Parkwalk Asphalt Marathon. Donna's phone measures the number of steps taken each day, and we discovered that we were averaging about six miles per day. Fast Pass my ACHING FEET!!!
It caused me to retranslate Isaiah 40:31!
Those that wait in line (Lord help me!) will renew their strength. They will buckle up and then soar like eagles. They will ride and not grow weary...they will walk (and ride some more) and not grow faint.
(to be continued)
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